life goes on…

and you have to pick your battles.  me?  i’m thinking of taking on public utilities….

lately, in my neighborhood, there has been some discussion over gas & electric bills.  sure, ours was high for december-january, but the ladies like it warm in the house, and i get to walk around in shorts like it’s summer, so why complain?  well, if allofasudden i find out it isn’t high usage but hungry executives causing my extraordinary bill….well, it’s time to bust out the bars.

also, they killed my plant when they installed the new meter:

as a professional crime fighter, we make it our business to keep it business.  make it personal and you’ll get hurt.  well, here’s the exception that proves the rule: THEY made it personal, and they’re gonna hurt.

also, i was sad the other morning.  i stopped by the corner store on the way to the office to grab one of my favorite vices: powdered donuts.  so good, so bad, SO bad.  well, just when i’m getting over my self-induced guilt and really enjoying the powdery goodness, tragedy strikes.  in an effort to curb the ant “problem” i try to shake out some of the excess powder into the trash can and…..oh what a catastrophic mistake!

yes, i can indeed hear the thoughts of this long lost donut.  think about it:  if you’re born to do one thing and one thing only (bring happiness to my taste buds) and you’re denied the opportunity to achieve your life’s purpose at the last possible second, how would YOU feel?

this is one of those (very) rare moments when i second guess my abilities.  not that superpowers are chosen like some cheap carnival prize, but how cool would it have been to have super-speed and catch the donut before it’s untimely demise?  or to stop time? or predict the future?  but alas, like any childish dream, i dismiss these ideas with the understanding that i am here to serve the greater good, not be served by things i think are good.

also…..it was discovered that i have a gray hair.

she says “no fair! guys get better with age, girls get worse!” i say “says who?” she says “everybody!” i say “i’m not everybody.”

scene.